today has been rough - yesterday was rough too - so that makes for a really hard end of the week. but just to mention today . . . noah woke up from nap cranky as ever. i have to time it perfectly for him to wake up right before it's time to pick up nicholas from school - otherwise he's such a grouchy boy. well of course he wakes up at 230 a little less than an hour before we have to pick up nicholas and he just fell apart. i mean he just melted to pieces cried and cried and i had to set him on the couch to pull himself together and to keep my sanity. the whole time he's sitting in our front room he's just crying and whining and i feel i'm about to burst into tears. i felt so pushed to my limits, maybe it was the craving of adult conversation, maybe i just had had enough of the whining and crying i don't know but i just felt for that one single moment i would give anything to step out of this house - to be a working mom because i can't take this anymore.
and then all of a sudden it was 320 and time to get nicholas and noah was fine. he was fine. he just converted into this sunshine child. but i already felt at my limit. i felt drained and defeated and nicholas got a grouchy side of me in front of his friend. we were on our way to nicholas' baseball practice and i just felt DONE! but of course, i don't have a choice - i have to push on.
so we get to the park and noah is still the sunshine child :) he's happy, he's in his element, and i was, honestly, enjoying the fresh air. maybe that's what both of us needed - to be released from the confinement of our home. so i go and apologize to nicholas' friend for lecturing nicholas in front of him and for making him feel uncomfortable. he doesn't say much, but i don't really expect it because, well, he's 10 and he's a boy.
meanwhile these 3 ladies catch my attention. it's clear that it is a mother with her two daughters and they seem to be babysitting a young girl about noah's age. we get to talking and i'm lucky enough to get a glimpse of their awesome relationship. the mother is older and she reveals to me that she got married in her early 30's and started late. she just begins to open up to me to tell me of her desire to never have children because if she had to depend on someone else to raise or watch her kids then she'd rather not have any at all. but, of course, she does have two girls and raises them. and in my opinion, she raised them beautifully, inside and out. our conversation was so NEEDED at my feeling of defeat, as a mother. it was refreshing and they, meaning those 3 ladies, really touched my heart. we ended our conversation with the mother shaking my hand and telling me that i'm doing a wonderful job and keep doing what i'm doing, being there for my kids.
it's amazing how God speaks to us, how He works in our lives. how HE comes to us when we needed it the most.
and so this is my photo of the day . . .
Oct. 2 At the park appreciating the goodness of God that shines through other people! :)