Thoughts . . . and it's a long post!

Today I went to the bank to pay our mortgage.  Every month when I walk in there I always ask if they're hiring - I ask this because I have banking experience and because they're closed on weekends.  I know that sounds weird but I'm not flexible enough to work the weekends.  Every time I ask they're never hiring, everytime but today.  Today they're hiring a loan officer - a full time loan officer.  The teller discloses the hours to me and I instantly start doing the math and start thinking up what time I'd have to drop Noah off at childcare.  And then it hits me, I'd go literally from spending just about every moment of the day with Noah to missing him about 50 hours a week.  50 hours - 50 hours is a long time to be away from Noah.  And although Nicholas is a bit older and he could walk to and from school on his own, I'd be away from him too for the same length of time.  I don't know if I am ready for something like that.  But on the drive home from the bank I kept calculating how much it would help financially, (and yes I'm doing all this and I haven't even applied - much less get an interview.  You see what a planner I am!).  Working outside of the home and being a mom is such a give and take and I'm so scared to give away these precious times that I'll never get back with Noah.  And this is all coming from a stressed out overwhelmed mom who, in this past week, has felt like a break away from all this would be so nice.  I feel this way even now as I type this, I feel this way because currently Noah is at a stage where he is so clingy to me.  He wants to sit on my lap in the mornings when I'm having my coffee, sit next to me at dinner, sit on my lap during relaxing time when we're all watching television.  He's hugging me when I jump on the computer, he walks around hollering for where I am in the house - when he finds me he says, " I wuv you mommy, where you at? I calling you."  And yes it is so super sweet that my son adores me this much, that he wants to love on me ALL THE TIME!  But naturally I feel overwhelmed.  I mean, I can't even go to the restroom without him knocking on the door and asking if I'm coming out now.  Oh but please, don't get me wrong because I'm blessed, I know that I am so truly blessed for all that he is to me.  And I also know that one day he won't want to hug so much, much less sit next to me at dinner.  Maybe I just need a night out, a movie night with Jay.  And I just thought to share this picture of us taken last weekend . . . isn't it appropriate for my post.

And right now I'm just feeling so purpose - less.  And surely that isn't even a word.  But that completely describes how I'm feeling these days.  I know I am a mother to, two wonderful, energetic, and healthy boys and I couldn't be happier to have the role as their mother.  And yet sometimes when I'm driving around town doing "mom errands" I see these woman driving as well - all dressed up, all doed up going somewhere because, in my mind their off to a paying purpose.  And sometimes I think that all my concern over purpose and whatnot stems from helping Jay on the financial front.  I don't know.  Because at the same time this is also the girl that did all those calculations in her head regarding how long Noah would be in childcare and away from me if I applied for the banking position (which by the way, one should know I, so, dislike banking!).  I keep thinking in my head . . . I want a job that revolves around my need to still be here for Noah during these precious times.  And I say need loosely because to me and to my heart it feels like a need.

It's nice to release these thoughts from my head, because seriously if I tried to express it to Jay I'd probably become so extremely frustrated I'd just cry. 

Okay, well thank goodness for Jay being home tomorrow and Sunday.  And I look forward to church on Sunday and the Charger game.  I always look forward to going to Oceanside for church and to see my family.  All my cares and concerns literally are washed away by the faces of family and being in church.

Have a good weekend.  I'm sure I'll be stopping in during this long weekend.

{I Wish You Enough}

I Wish You Enough

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.
I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good- bye.


Just wanted to share. I'm printing this out and hanging it in our kitchen - it's the wishes I wish for Nicholas and Noah.

{1 month til' v-day}

Yes, can you believe it! Valentine's is exactly one month away. I, so, need to put my heart's up. Noah and I painted hearts last week and I need to get them up and hanging! Every year I have ideas to decorate for every season and I never follow through with it. This year, because my word of the year is do I really want to get the house decorated. Not gonna do too much, but I have a few ideas that will add a little love touch around here!

I love his smile - it melts my heart a million times a day! How lucky am I!!! To be able to spend these days with him.

Noah's little fingers painting the hearts. He loves to paint and he's great at it too!

I've been discovering these awesome crafty websites lately and I love sharing! Here's one that I found that has some super cool ideas. I love the baby burp cloths - how chic and very useful. I'm all about that! Go here to check it out!

Happy Thursday to each of you.

{cool website}

Just wanted to add this link - it's fantastic and I've found myself browsing and getting ideas since I've found the site. Enjoy!

Tues. Project Life

i've decided to join in on jessica's project life tuesdays. i started my project life dec. 28 so that means my week will be from mon - sun. some of my photos are repeats as i have started to share in previous posts. enjoy!


day 8: morning routine. breakfast before school. noah still in his jammies - nicholas in his school clothes. the transition back to school from a holiday break is always tough for nicholas.
day 9: coffee dates . . . i always look forward to when jay comes home and we can sit and have our morning cup of coffee together. it's our time, sometimes quiet, sometimes not, nonetheless it's our time to "catch-up" after his shift.

day 10: nicholas and jay were home sick. we all lounged around the house and it wasn't until later in the evening that the two "sick boys" started to feel a little better. well, better enough for ice-cream after dinner. here are our handsome guys chummin' it up for the camera. noah, of course is such a hoot!
day 11: we dropped the boys off at mum-mum's and went to our tax appt. as a trade (wink, wink - babysitting for dinner)! i brought lasagna, garlic bread, and a tossed salad for our dinner. nice to see everyone during the weekday, even if it was for a short visit!
day 12: i caught nicholas reading on a FRIDAY night! Yay, yay, yay!!! This is huge because nicholas dislikes reading. He's reading LT & Me, it was a christmas gift to my mom & kelly boy. They each finished it within a week's time. such a good and inspiring book - so glad that nicholas is enjoying it too!
day 13: let's go chargers! this is my wonderful, happy world! we were on our way out to a birthday party (theme: wear ur favorite team jersey/colors!) i was all over this, as i'm sure anyone would guess! we had such a great time - and it was fun to walk into the party sportin' our favorite nfl team - especially since they're doing so well this season and in the play-offs! good luck to them this sunday!
day 14: ahh! my coach person. i love it! it was a christmas present from mom & poly. i finally got to exchange it and i couldn't wait to get home and switch out my purses. problem is, it's so gorgeous inside i was so reluctant to put my stuff in it, for fear i'd get the beautiful lining inside (it's pastel turquoise) dirty. have i mentioned how grateful i am and how much i love it! even though the purse is worth far more than the contents inside! hehehe!

{updates and some new things}

i wonder, often, if anyone even reads my blog. and after some thought about it, i've decided it really doesn't matter. it's nice if both family and friends stop in from time-to-time to check in and it's okay if they don't. because although i'm using this blog as a tool to communicate and share photos and news of my family, it has become an outlet for me. it has, at times, served as a memeory keeper (of sorts). i've been able to look back, since i've started this blog, and review photos and things i've written about my family/kids that i would have otherwise forgotten. this, in many ways, is a scrapbook journal for me . . .a place to express, write about, and post photos of my life as i choose and as it happens!

word of the year ~ i've read about this idea a few years ago on this website and thought it was a neat concept, in terms of resolutions and goals for the year. the idea of choosing a word of the year to focus on and implement into your life can be really effective. it's a word that you should select that you'd like to apply into your life this year. for me, i've thought about what things i'd like to improve on this year, some things about myself i think could be changed to myself and my surroundings better. so much of the time i say things i'd like to do, i express my ideas and dreams, but that's it. nothing. i don't do anything about it. it can be big things/ideas or it can be the littlest things - but nothing ever comes of it. this year want to focus on the word {do} much the same as the nike logo - just do it! sometimes i overthink things, over analyze situations and this has paralyzed my ability to {do} things. well this year . . . i will focus more on the {do}ing!

day 9: coffee dates . . . i always look forward to when jay comes home and we can sit and have our morning cup of coffee together. it's our time, sometimes quiet, sometimes not, nonetheless it's our time to "catch-up" after his shift.
day 10: nicholas and jay were home sick. we all lounged around the house and it wasn't until later in the evening that the two "sick boys" started to feel a little better. well, better enough for ice-cream after dinner. here are our handsome guys chummin' it up for the camera. noah, of course is such a hoot!
> day 11: we dropped the boys off at mum-mum's and went to our tax appt. as a trade (wink, wink - babysitting for dinner)! i brought lasagna, garlic bread, and a tossed salad for our dinner. nice to see everyone during the weekday, even if it was for a short visit!

i wanted to share this really cute idea for a sign at the door. i am going to try and do this! check it out!

happy friday!

{cool finds}

the boys (jay & nicholas) were home sick today from work and school. and although i had plans to run errands today, i decided to stick around with noah to nurse them back to good health. they're both feeling much better. i, on the other hand, am starting to feel a little of the body aches that jay was experiencing. ugh!

on a somewhat productive note, i was able to steam clean the carpet in the family room and, of course, surf the net. i found some cool ideas and thought i'd share . . .

homemade heart shaped cookies in a homemade box! i'd love to try this!

i thought this was pretty clever. a cd envelope with a single cookie inside. what an awesome way to pass out valentines!

who doesn't love candy. and what a nice way to package them up!

*update on my project life endeavor - it's going very well. i've had it on my mind alot these past few days and i'm really enjoying the process, and enjoying the little journaling part of it too! i'm contemplating doing something similar with all the photos i took last year, 2009, but in a monthly format.

i'll post my updated "daily pictures" tomorrow.

{some random thoughts}

today while i was standing in line at wal-mart the lady checking out in front of me pulled out her "go green" reusable shopping bags. and i thought to myself . . . now that is something i need to commit to this year - bringing in my reusable bags instead of having the stores use their plastic ones. so that's one thing i resolve to do this year; think green alittle more when i walk out the door!

while at wal-mart i picked up the first batch of my photos for my project life album. and truth be told . . . i was a little disappointed in how they turned out. the quality (some were from my cell phone camera) and some were just plain dark. oh well. i'm have to resist the urge to "fix" it because it is what it is; besides i'm hoping that through this picture a day process for an entire year, i will become a better photographer.

and just a quick share because it had me smiling each time i thought about it today. a conversation between noah & his dad:

jay to noah, "noah you need to start being a better listener when we are talking to you. if you listen then you won't get in trouble. but if you choose not to listen then you'll get yourself into trouble. so what's it gonna be noah? what are you going to choose?" noah looks right at jay and says, "i choose the blue one daddy." oh for the love of a 2 1/2 yer old :0) needless to say, i bursted out in a laughter that has kept a smile on my face all day!

{happy new year!}

the boys are finally down for the evening and i have some downtime. or some time to jump on here and "catch up!"

all day today i have been so excited about my new project life album. i was able to put together the first week - i still have to print the pictures out. but i feel so happy about having done the journaling and inserting them into the album. so yay for that!!!

i can hardly believe that it's the year 2010! time/life goes by so quickly - too quickly. i always have this urgency to hold on to the moment, yet i contradict myself because i can be an obsessive planner. hmmm. crazy i know!

i'm a bit reluctant to make resolutions. only because i don't do well with upholding to them. but in everything there is always room to improve yourself - and what better time than the start of a fresh new year. i think, though, i'll ponder what changes i'd like to implement into my life this year - especially before sharing.

but let me catch up a bit on how we spent our new year's eve and the beginning of 2010:

we spent almost 4 days in oceanside. we left new year's eve afternoon. we went straight to selm's so that i could spend some quality time with her and the kids could hang out! i did my baking and selm and i just chatted away! it was so nice! once i finished up my baking the boys and i loaded up and headed to the firestation to visit jay and drop off some baked goods. then we were off to ring in the new year at auntie bea's house. lots of fun and laughter there! we then spent the next few days drifting back and forth between my mom's house, auntie bea's house, and selma's house. it was fun and we even snuck in some impromtu visits to the firehouse while jay was on duty. that was so nice! noah loved seeing his daddy at work :0)

and it was fun to come home to our house - but as usual the transition back to school was rough - but not as bad as before. at least there were no tears about getting back into the routine of things.

on another quick note . . . i can't seems to retreive my day 4 photo and i'm super bummed. it was of jay and the boys at the firestation while we were there for a visit. hmmm. but so far i've been enjoying the process of taking a photo a day! i'll have to post what an actual finished week's worth of photos looks like. in otherwords, what an actual project life photo album layout looks like.

okay so i'm gonna wrap it up!

project life photos

i have tons i want to write about; catch up on what we've done this past week. but i have little time because i'm playing catch up with housework, laundry, my project life album, and just things around here. so for now i'll post these photos that are a part of my project life album. i'm so excited to do this!

day 2: dinner with the santiago's! so nice to have them over! we had a great time chattin' it up, laughing, and letting the kids run around and act crazy. def. need to that more often!

day 3: woke up and decided that i needed to get a haircut. jay really couldn't tell, but i got 2 inches cut off and had the stylist layer my hair. i love it! it feels lighter, and so much healthier!

day 5: woke up to a lazy day. had breakfast at mom's and then headed over to auntie beas for round 2 of may-i! of course i just donated my money, as we all know i'm much more of a talker at the card table than i am a strategizer :0)

day 6: spent the afternoon at selm's and then headed over to make rosketti with rose. here's a photo of my swirly twirly rosketti and rose's stick rosketti. good times! it was nice to hang out with rose and "catch up"

day 7: came home from oceanside to find my project life kit on my doorstep! woohoo! so happy and so excited to put it all together and start fillin' it up with "my life's" photos. here i am checkin' out all the contents!

day 8: morning routine. breakfast before school. noah still in his jammies - nicholas in his school clothes. the transition back to school from a holiday break is always tough for nicholas.

*i'm having trouble retreiving my day 4 photo from my mobile phone. but i'll post it as soon as i can figure out what's going on with that.

gotta go take care of the kiddies!